December 10, 2025
Imagine you’re in your favorite cafe. You hear the soft music playing. You smell the coffee in the air. And you see everyone’s minding their business a little bit. But then this guy walks in.
Instantly the vibe changes.
People pause, look up, smile, and you look at him and you see he’s not even that good looking and he’s not even that well dressed, but he just has this something. And you’re just sitting there thinking: How does he do that?
That is charisma.
Charisma comes down to three things: presence, warmth, and not giving a ****. By the end of this article, you will know exactly how to walk into any room with that same effect.
In my early 20s, I was at this networking event, talking to a guy I really admired. About two minutes in, he paused, looked at me, and said:
“Philip, you’re looking at me, but are you here?”
I laughed. Yeah, of course I’m here. But he was right. My mind was racing.
“Oh, what do I say next? Am I making a good impression? I hope he thinks I’m smart.”
I was there physically, but mentally I was miles away.
That’s when I realized something. The most charismatic people are not thinking about what to say next. They are fully there with you.
Being present is like sitting next to a campfire. The campfire is steady, warm, and raw. It doesn’t try to impress anyone, but everyone still wants to be near it.
Presence makes people feel seen, important, and safe. It is the foundation of charisma. When people feel safe, they open up. They trust you.
Before I walk into any room or conversation, I take a few deep belly breaths. I feel my stomach expand as I inhale and soften as I exhale. I do that a few times until I feel calmer.
Then I imagine roots going through my feet into the ground. I feel myself grounding into the earth. It might sound a little woowoo, but give it a try. It changes how you show up.
Presence builds trust. Warmth builds connection.
A few years ago, researchers at Wharton wanted to know why some people naturally build trust and influence while others, equally smart, quietly push people away.
They studied thousands of professionals and put them into three categories:
Takers – They try to get as much as possible
Matchers – They give, but only if they get something back
Givers – They help, share, and support without keeping score
Everyone assumed takers would win. They are ambitious, assertive, competitive.
But what the researchers found was surprising.
Takers rise fast, but they fall fast. People stop trusting them. Their reputation catches up.
Matchers stay steady. Liked, but not loved. They avoid being taken advantage of, but rarely build deep loyalty.
Givers end up at the bottom and the top.
The bottom: doormat givers. They say yes to everything and burn out.
The top: smart givers. Generous, but with boundaries. They help, share, and support, but they don’t do the work for everyone.
Those are the people others want to work with because they lift others without losing themselves.
That is warmth. It is the difference between someone who impresses you and someone who moves you.
You can feel real warmth. They’re not performing, not calculating, not chasing approval. They’re simply giving presence and energy.
Every time we meet someone new, our brain instantly asks: can I trust this person? Warmth answers that question before you speak.
Before any conversation, I do three things:
Gratitude – I say, “I’m grateful for this opportunity. I’m going to learn so much.” It shifts me from needing something to having something to give.
Intention – I repeat, “I’m here to give.” Not advice, not solutions. Just attention.
Imagery – I picture the person walking away lighter, clearer, or inspired. That shifts me from performance into service.
But even the warmest people lose their power if they care too much about what others think.
Which brings me to the third pillar.
Imagine you’re at a party, standing in a small group. Someone cracks a joke. Everyone laughs except you.
“Did I miss the joke? Am I not intelligent enough?”
That is the moment charisma dies.
When you care too much about how you come across, you stop being with people and start performing for them. People feel it immediately.
Real charisma is not about being impressive. It is about being unshakably yourself, even when things get awkward.
For most of my life, I cared way too much what people thought of me. If someone judged me, I felt it. If I made a mistake, I felt ashamed. If someone didn’t laugh at my joke, I replayed it for hours.
I was managing how I looked, sounded, and came across. I was zero charismatic.
That changed only when I did something radical.
The 30 Day Challenge.
For 30 days, I put myself into embarrassing situations on purpose.
I walked up to strangers and asked, “Do you want to give me a hug?”
I went into a coffee shop, found a cozy spot, and lay down on the floor.
One day I went into the subway and started singing. And I’m a terrible singer.
Every cell in my body screamed, “Don’t do that,” but I did it anyway.
At first it was brutal. The stares, the silence, the heat in my face. But then something shifted.
I realized it’s not the end of the world if someone thinks I’m weird or not smart.
Each exercise taught my brain: I can handle this.
I stopped trying to please others and learned how to show up as the real, relaxed, full me. There is nothing more charismatic than that.
If you want to try these exercises, check out my exact 30 day challenge. You will hate it for the first few days, but once you stick with it, you’ll feel unstoppable.
Charisma comes down to presence, warmth, and not giving a ****.
Focus on those pillars and people will want to be near you. Not because of how you look, but because of how they feel when they are with you.
Want to level up your storytelling even more? Join me in this next article where I share five easy frameworks that will help you speak like a pro.
Enjoy.
P.S. Want to become a stronger communicator?
Here are two ways I can support you:
👉 Want to tell more engaging stories? Join our next Storytelling Workshop.
👉 Want to speak with confidence and clarity? Check out our Communication Skills Training.
Both are fun, practical, and designed to help you grow fast.
Are you ready to transform your storytelling skills?
Discover how your storytelling skills score and uncover useful insights to help you become a charismatic storyteller:
