August 19, 2026
Now, in those moments, most people do one out of two things.
Either they laugh awkwardly or they fire back and make it 10 times worse.
But there’s a much better three-step approach to handle people that disrespect you.
A couple of years ago, I was running a workshop in Amsterdam.
About 50 people in the room.
Things were going well, I thought.
But then this older guy all the way in the back just shouts, “That doesn’t work in the real world.”
Immediately, the whole room froze, and I felt it right here in my chest.
Voice in my head screaming, “Say something. Defend yourself.”
But instead, I just looked straight at him and said nothing.
And right when I was about 10 seconds in, he goes, “Uh, sorry. I think that came out wrong.”
I had never said a single word, but that’s the power of silence.
So, the first step is to pause when someone criticizes or insults you.
Don’t react.
Just look at them and stay completely neutral for a couple of seconds.
Sure, if you have to, count to 10 in your head if that helps.
Because that silence creates pressure on them.
Often making them actually take back what they’ve said.
And it gives you that time to decide how you actually want to respond.
Just make sure that you don’t break the silence too early.
But then once you’ve held that silence long enough, it’s time to go into the second step.
Now, imagine you’re in the office.
Someone walks by and spills some coffee over you.
Now, would you just go, “Oh, well. That’s unfortunate.”
And pretend it didn’t happen?
Of course not.
You’d say, “Hey, dude. You just spilled some coffee over me.”
Sure, no screaming, no drama, just stating the obvious.
And that’s exactly what this second step is about.
Label.
When someone says something hurtful, name or label it calmly.
You can say, “That was quite a hurtful thing to say.”
Or
“Oof, that felt quite personal.”
Not aggressive, not defensive, just an honest observation.
And here’s why it works.
Most insults live in this gray area.
That person might hide behind,
“Oh, I was just joking.”
But that label removes the hiding place.
The moment that you name it, they’ll often realize that this was not appropriate and will feel uncomfortable for actually being such a jerk.
But once you’ve done that, there’s one more step to deal with insults like a pro.
An insult is like a balloon.
Sure, it looks big, it feels threatening, it takes up all the space in the room.
But the moment you ask someone to explain themselves, it just deflates.
All that air, just gone.
So instead of defending yourself or firing back, dig deeper.
Ask them to explain themselves.
“Hey, what did you mean by that?”
Or,
“What made you say that?”
And when you do that, say it slowly and with genuine curiosity, like you actually want to understand.
Now they have to justify the insult.
And here’s what happens almost every time.
They go vague.
They’re like, “You’re just always such a jerk with people.”
Or, “You never listen.”
Now, big claims, but zero specifics or evidence to pick it up.
That’s when you want to go one level deeper.
“Can you give me a specific example?”
Or,
“When exactly did that happen?”
The moment you ask for specifics, they either have to back it up or back down.
Now, most of the times, they back down.
And the beautiful thing about this is the mindset behind it.
Now, you’re not trying to win an argument.
You’re genuinely trying to understand.
Now, that curiosity completely disarms people.
Because they came ready for a fight, and you just asked them a question.
Those three steps work about in 90% of the situation.
And most of the times, the other person will realize that they crossed the line.
But what about those other 10%?
What if, if you’re really honest with yourself, they actually do have a point?
What if you have been a bit of a jerk?
Maybe too intense, too harsh.
Well, in those moments, the most powerful thing you can do is just to admit it.
“You know what? You’re right. I haven’t been easy to work with lately.”
Or,
“Yeah, I can see how that came across that way.”
No defensiveness, no justification, just honesty.
And here’s why it works better than anything else.
The moment you admit it, they have nothing left to push against.
The attack dies right there.
And interestingly, you gain more respect by admitting it than by defending yourself.
Because it takes real confidence to say,
“You’re right.”
So, try this the next time someone attacks you.
But what do you do when someone doesn’t insult you, but let’s say asks you something completely inappropriate instead?
That’s a different situation, and it needs a different set of strategies.
And if you want more tips on how to become a magnetic storyteller, check out this next article.
See you there.
P.S. Want to become a stronger communicator?
Here are two ways I can support you:
👉 Want to tell more engaging stories? Join our next Storytelling Workshop.
👉 Want to speak with confidence and clarity? Check out our Communication Skills Training.
Both are fun, practical, and designed to help you grow fast.
Are you ready to transform your storytelling skills?
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