June 19, 2026
October 2020, I’m standing in a stranger’s bathroom alone, shoving yellow M&M’s into my mouth.
Now, 15 minutes earlier, I arrived at my co-worker’s place. It’s this big house party. 40 people laughing, mingling, having the times of their life, but I don’t know a single person.
So, I just stand there smiling like an idiot, hoping that someone will come over.
Nobody does.
I pull out my phone, pretend to read something super important. Obviously, there’s nothing important. Then, I drift to the kitchen, not because I’m hungry, but because pretending to be hungry makes it less awkward.
But even after a few minutes, that feels weird.
So, I do the only logical thing left. I find a bathroom, lock the door, and find a bowl of M&M’s on the shelf. And I just start shoving those M&M’s down my throat like I haven’t seen food in a freaking year.
And I do that for like 5 minutes.
Right then, I catch myself in the mirror, and I just look at myself and think, “What is wrong with you? Like, you just locked yourself in a freaking bathroom binging M&M’s cuz you’re too scared to talk to a stranger.”
So, I put the M&M’s down, look myself dead in the eye, and make a decision.
Never again.
That night, I got obsessed with one question.
How can I make small talk less awkward and actually enjoy it?
Now, after reading dozens of books on the topic and actually interviewing some of the best coaches out there, I found that there are five simple steps that make small talk feel easy and actually fun.
Let’s say you are at a networking event or at a house party. You see a group or maybe you see someone standing there by themselves.
Now, how can you walk over?
Most people already freeze there. They wait for this perfect moment, the perfect opener, the perfect line.
There is no perfect line.
The only opener you need is this:
“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met yet. I’m Philipp.”
That’s it.
No clever hook, no impressive credential, just a human acknowledging another human.
Everything else follows from there.
Now, they know your name, you know theirs.
What comes next is the moment that most people blow it.
They’re like, “Where are you from?” or “What do you do?”
That is the most boring, predictable way to start any conversation.
When you ask that question, people already know that this is not going to be fun.
They’ll be like, “Well, I work in accounting.”
And the conversation has died.
Instead, ask one simple situational question.
Something tied to where you both are right now.
If, for example, you’re at a conference:
“Curious, what made you sign up for this one?” or “What are you most excited about at this event?”
Or if it’s at a dinner or a party:
“Hm, curious, how do you know the host?”
Those questions give you much more interesting answers than just “Where are you from?” or “What do you do?”
But even though you know how to ask better questions, well, they may still ask you those same standard questions.
What do you do then not to kill the conversation?
At some point in the conversation, they’re going to ask you about you.
And this is where most people accidentally kill everything that they’ve just built.
Someone asks, “So, what do you do?”
And then you say, “Well, I’m a communications coach.”
Boom, dead end.
Or someone asks you, “Cool, and where are you from?”
“Germany, and you?”
Again, boom, dead end.
This is what I call a naked reply.
It’s just the fact, nothing else.
No texture, no color, no door for them to walk through.
And here’s the truth about naked replies.
They force the other person to do all the work.
They have to come up with another question about someone they just met.
And that’s exhausting, and most people won’t bother.
So, here’s the fix.
Never answer just with the fact.
Always dress it up.
Add one unexpected layer, one detail that makes them think, one small window that they can look through.
So, if someone asked me, “What do you do?” I say:
“You know how a lot of people get really nervous about speaking in public? Well, I help people like that in companies like Google and ASICS feel super confident when they speak. So, when they speak, people actually lean in and want to hear what they have to say.”
Now, they have options.
They can ask me more because I gave them so many touch points.
Well, let’s say someone asked me, “Where are you from?”
“Well, I’m from Germany originally, but I’ve been living out of a suitcase for the past 2 years. Amsterdam, Bali, and now Lisbon. But, pretty much wherever there are a lot of entrepreneurs and where you can dance a lot.”
Now, they can ask me about Bali, about Lisbon, about entrepreneurship, about dance, about anything.
Why?
Because I gave them options to choose from.
Now, those extra nuggets make a difference between a conversation that dies in 2 minutes and one that still keeps going an hour later.
This is where the magic happens and where almost everyone stops too soon.
Imagine you’re walking down a street full of closed doors.
You go to the first door, you knock.
First question, “What made you come here today?”
The door opens, but just a tiny crack.
“Well, I came here to learn about AI.”
Now, you have a choice.
Most people glance at that crack, but then they move to the next door and ask, “And what do you do?”
A new crack goes open, but the conversation goes nowhere.
You’re just jumping from one topic to another.
But, the best conversationalists do something different.
They put their foot into the door.
“Ah, what is it about AI specifically that you want to understand?”
Now, the door swings open a little wider.
Then, they give you an answer and again, you go deeper.
“Ah, interesting. Tell me more.”
And suddenly, the door is wide open.
Now, you’re not just standing in the street anymore.
You’re in the middle of the living room having the kind of conversation that most people would never have even with a person that they’ve known for years.
That’s what those follow-up questions do.
So, when someone tells you something, don’t move to the next question immediately.
Ask, “Oh, interesting. Tell me more.”
Or, “You said X, Y, and Z. Can you explain that? Curious, what made you feel that way?”
Go deeper.
A couple of years ago, I went to the happy hour at my new co-working space.
And there, I started chatting with these two Italian women near the coffee machine.
And at first, it was great, right?
Fun, easy, playful.
But, after 20 minutes, something shifted.
They started talking about things that I had really zero interest in and the conversation became completely one-sided.
They weren’t asking me anything.
I was just there, nodding, smiling, but slowly dying inside.
And in my head, I was just thinking, “How do I get out of this? I want to meet more people, right? I’m in this networking event.”
But I didn’t move.
I stayed for another 30 minutes.
By the time I finally got away, I was so drained.
I didn’t even talk to anyone else for the rest of the evening.
I went home having talked to only those two in a room full of 50 people.
Now, here’s what I learned.
In almost every conversation, there comes a moment when you want to move on.
And that’s completely fine.
It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person.
It doesn’t mean that they don’t like you.
It doesn’t mean anything except that the conversation has run its course.
That’s totally normal.
That’s human.
But most people don’t know how to handle that moment.
So, they fake a phone call or they pretend to have to go to the bathroom or the kitchen.
And that makes the other person feel strange.
When you disappear like that, unfinished.
Now, here’s what works instead.
Name it warmly and directly.
“Hey, I loved chatting with you. I’m going to say hello to a few more people, but let’s swap contacts, and grab a coffee sometime.”
Or,
“Wow, it was so nice meeting you. Now, I want to make sure that I get to speak to a few more people tonight, but I’d love to stay in touch.”
And sure, if you don’t want to stay in touch, well, then don’t say it either.
No need to lie.
But when you exit cleanly and honestly, the other person respects you even more.
You just treated them like an adult.
That’s how you exit gracefully.
So, give it a try the next time you find yourself in a situation that requires small talk.
Don’t run away from it.
Use the five steps you just learned and notice how easy it is and actually how fun it is to have small talk.
But I guess one thing that goes beyond small talk is how do you speak in a way that is much more interesting.
For that, you may want to check out this next article where I share some of my favorite speaking techniques.
See you there.
P.S. Want to become a stronger communicator?
Here are two ways I can support you:
👉 Want to tell more engaging stories? Join our next Storytelling Workshop.
👉 Want to speak with confidence and clarity? Check out our Communication Skills Training.
Both are fun, practical, and designed to help you grow fast.
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