There’s one single question that we get asked every single day. What is that question? It’s, “How are you?”
What do people usually respond there? “I’m good. I’m good. I’m good.” Or sometimes they say, “Oh, yeah, good. Finally, it’s not raining anymore.”
And so, we talk about all these average standard things like the weather or traffic, and it’s terrible. We spend years of our lives talking about these things, and they just go absolutely nowhere.
So, what you want to do in those moments is share a short personal story. Something that shows a little bit more about you as a human anytime that someone asks you, “How are you?”
For example, if someone were to ask me today, “Hey, how are you?” I’d respond like this.
I’d say,
“Um, I’m good. Well, yesterday I had a very embarrassing moment. Yesterday, I was at singing class, and when I saw the recording of that singing, man, it was so bad. I felt so ashamed. Anyway, um what about you? When was the last time you messed it up a little bit or you felt very awkward about something?”
And then I would bring it back to the other person.
Now, did you see? Could I tell a better story? 100%, but it’s not necessary to tell the biggest, most majestic story. It’s just to share something tiny to build this connection and to get more reps in.
That’s the third habit, and that is to tell connection stories.
And so, anytime that someone asks you, “How are you?” share the short personal story. And you’ll see, after you do that a while, you’ll build completely different relationships.
But, there are different things to watch out for.
One, keep it short. There is a time for longer stories, where you share a 1-minute or 2-minute story, but not here.
If someone asks you, “How are you?” and you just share your entire life story, obviously this is too much. And so, you want to keep those stories to 30 seconds ideally, maybe 60 seconds if it’s incredible story.
The second thing that you want to do is ask a question at the end. So, don’t just share your story, but ask them, “Hey, what about you? When was the last time that you messed up big time?” Or, “When was the last time that you felt very awkward about something?”
And so, you bring it back to them because then they’ll share a story in return. Then it feels much more natural and becomes this conversation.
And I know for a lot of people this seems completely crazy, right? Especially for the more introverted people. When I first heard about this idea, I thought, “Geez, I’m sharing a story unsolicited? That’s madness, right? Why would I ever do this?”
There I would encourage you to all gather your own data points. It’s so easy. All of you will be asked every single day so many times, “How are you?” Just choose to respond with something more interesting, something more personal.
And then try that out for a week. After that you’re like, “Hmm, damn. My conversations really became so much better and I became so much better as a storyteller.”
Or, you’ll hate it and you’ll send me an angry email after, which is also cool. But gather your own data points.
Step one to three, they work really well to hone the skill of improvisation and to get more comfortable speaking in front of others, but there’s one final step, one final habit that is still missing. And that one is story bank.Â