January 6, 2026
Most gurus will tell you to stand in front of the mirror and repeat, “I’m confident. I’m confident. I’m confident.”
And if you ask me, that’s bull.
Sure, it gives you this little boost, but it doesn’t build this real, unshakable confidence, because real confidence doesn’t come from pep talks. It comes from something else.
I call it the confidence equation, and it’s built on three simple C’s.
Once you know them, you stop waiting to feel confident, and you start being confident.
Let’s start with the first C: Courage.
Two months ago, I gave a keynote for this big tech company in Ireland. That room was packed with the most senior leaders.
But right in the middle of my talk, mid-sentence, I suddenly stopped, looked around, and was like, uh, where was I going with this?
There was this brief moment of silence. A few people smiled awkwardly, but then someone from the front jumped in and he said:
“Oh yeah, Philipp, you were just talking about how stories build connection.”
I smiled. Ah, right. Thank you. And I continued my speech.
Now, here’s the thing. That moment, that wasn’t an accident. I did it on purpose. I pretended to lose my train of thought.
Now, why?
Because it’s one of the best ways to train real confidence. When you do that, when you let something go wrong, you experience that exact moment that most people fear.
Well, you realize that nothing bad happens. Nobody leaves, nobody walks out. Instead, people will actually connect with you even more.
That tiny moment rewires your brain, teaching you, hey, even if I mess up, I’m safe. I can handle that.
See, what kills confidence isn’t the mistakes. It’s the fear of mistakes. We’re terrified that when something goes wrong, people will judge us, that they’ll think less of us.
So, the only way to break that fear is to face that in small, safe doses. That’s what I call a recovery rep.
Now, here’s how you can do that.
Let’s say next time you’re talking to a friend, or you’re giving a small update at work, or you’re telling a story.
Now, pretend to lose your train of thought. Pause for one to two seconds, smile, and then say:
“Wait, where was I going with that?”
And then someone will probably chip in. And then you continue.
That’s it. One tiny moment. No harm. But it trains your brain to stay calm when things go wrong.
Because courage isn’t about never feeling fear. It’s about doing the thing anyway and proving to yourself that you will be fine.
The second part of the confidence equation is consistency.
Imagine you have this close friend, and every day he promises to come by and help you out. But then every day he texts you last minute, says, “Oh, sorry. Something urgent came up.”
Day one, well, you forgive him.
Day two, you’re starting to get a little bit annoyed. Why?
Day three, you’re done with him.
You don’t trust him anymore. You’re like:
“F**k this guy. I’ll find a better friend.”
Now, here’s the twist.
That unreliable friend might be you, because there is a high chance that you do something every day that is breaking trust in yourself.
For me, it looked like this every morning. I tell myself, “Hey, today I’m going to eat healthy.”
And then almost every single day, I’d walk past this bakery, buy three chocolate chip cookies, and then eat them like a pig right there on the street.
Yeah. It wasn’t the calories that hurt me. It was the betrayal.
Every time that I broke that tiny promise, I was teaching my brain, you can trust yourself. You can’t trust yourself.
And that’s what slowly kills confidence. It’s not failure. It’s self-betrayal.
See, confidence is basically the reputation you have with yourself. If you keep breaking your word, you chip away at that trust.
Now, here’s a question.
Where are you quietly hurting your confidence?
Maybe it’s telling yourself you’ll eat healthy and then you don’t.
Or that you’ll hit the gym and then you skip it again.
Or that you tell yourself that you’ll write every morning and then you end up scrolling on social media instead.
We all have this one area, so pick one.
Then make a small but realistic promise and then keep it, because every time you follow through, you’re teaching your brain, I can trust myself.
And that’s the foundation of real confidence.
Now, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably an achiever, right? You’ve got big goals, big dreams, and you’re consistently trying to improve.
And that’s awesome. I love that.
But here’s the problem that comes with that mindset. It’s this constant feeling of not being enough.
You scroll through social media and you see all those people who seem ahead, right? Bigger businesses, happier relationships, more defined abs, more everything, and you think, damn, right? I’m so far behind them.
And even though that might not be true, it feels true. And slowly, that comparison starts killing your confidence.
At one point, I realized I had to break that loop. So I did something simple, which brings me to the next C: celebration.
On that day, I sat down and asked myself, where was I 3 years ago? And where am I today?
And I went category by category.
In business, I thought, well, 3 years ago, I was too scared to record a video. Today, yeah, I love being on camera.
Or, for example, in relationships, I thought, hmm, 3 years ago, I could barely spend 30 minutes with someone before feeling completely drained. Today, I’m in this beautiful relationship with the woman I love.
Or, let’s say in health, 3 years ago, I had knee pain, zero routine, and I never ran. Well, today I run three times a week, and I love it.
And I remember sitting there, looking through my list and realizing:
“Wow, I’m actually much further than I ever thought. So far, I’ve always been focused on that next mountain without noticing how many mountains I’ve already climbed.”
And that’s what celebration is about.
No, it’s not about bragging. It’s about reminding your brain, hey, I’m further than I think.
So, here’s your final exercise.
Sit down today and write down two columns.
One: 3 years ago.
And the other column: Now.
And then go through the main areas in your life. Career, relationships, health, hobbies, even your mindset.
And then ask yourself, hey, where was I 3 years ago? Where am I today?
And once you see it, don’t rush past it. Smile and actually let yourself feel the pride of what you’ve done.
That is the confidence equation.
Courage.
Consistency.
Celebration.
That’s what creates real, unshakable confidence.
Confidence will help you show up as your best version. But there is one more trait, and that is charisma.
If you want to learn how to become the most charismatic person in the room, check out this next article where I share some of my favorite techniques.
See you there.
Enjoy.
P.S. Want to become a stronger communicator?
Here are two ways I can support you:
👉 Want to tell more engaging stories? Join our next Storytelling Workshop.
👉 Want to speak with confidence and clarity? Check out our Communication Skills Training.
Both are fun, practical, and designed to help you grow fast.
Are you ready to transform your storytelling skills?
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